Welcome back to Spill Your Feels – a special weekly column on MedBound Times where readers can send in their queries on mental health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, marriage, and sex. Each week, Dr. Prerna Kohli shares her insights and practical advice to help you navigate challenges and live a healthier life.
In this edition of Spill Your Feels, clinical psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli answers readers' questions on cutting ties with family, managing stress-related hair fall and deciding how often to attend counselling.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is an eminent clinical psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Aligarh Muslim University, UP, India. Awarded among the 100 Women Achievers of India by the President of India, she is a public speaker, researcher, and social worker. With decades of experience, Dr. Kohli specializes in issues such as substance abuse, parental and marital counselling, relationship challenges, eating disorders, depression, and more.
I have had a tough relationship with my father since childhood. He has anger issues. Although he has been instrumental in my growth, both as an individual and as a young adult who is doing well in his career, I have never liked him getting angry over small things and screaming at the top of his lungs at the whole family. This used to help him assert his authority in the family (my mom never really had a voice of her own) and get his way in family decisions. His anger has also affected me deeply. I feel scared to stand up for myself in my professional and social life.
My father also has a great social life. People in his circle admire him for his knowledge and intellect. In fact, both his social circle and my mom and siblings are also complicit in normalizing his behaviour (anger issues).
I am soon turning 25, and I want to cut ties with him and, in turn, with my whole family. It is going to be emotionally excruciating for me, but I am determined to do it regardless.
Am I right in doing so?
Naval, your father may be a brilliant man, but apparently nobody told him that being the head of the family doesn't require being its loudest member!
You can appreciate everything your father has done for you without accepting his behaviour. Gratitude does not mean lifelong obedience, and respect is a two-way street, even between parents and children.
But before you pack your emotional bags and disappear, ask yourself something. Do you really want to lose your entire family, or do you simply want freedom from your father's anger?
Those are two very different things.
Start by establishing boundaries. You can say, "Dad, I want to have a relationship with you, but I won't continue conversations when you're shouting." And then follow through.
You may also consider living independently or limiting contact before deciding on permanent estrangement. If confrontation could put you at risk, prioritise your safety rather than attempting it alone.
I would strongly recommend counselling, particularly because you mention that your childhood experiences are affecting your confidence today.
And remember, being a good son does not require being a frightened one.
How can I manage stress and prevent it from affecting my physical health? I have been experiencing severe hair fall, and I am worried that stress might be contributing to it. What are some effective ways to manage stress, improve my emotional well-being, and reduce hair fall?
Lays, stress is troublesome enough without it trying to take your hair along for the ride!
Yes, prolonged stress can contribute to hair fall. But before blaming every strand on your worries, please visit a dermatologist. Thyroid problems, nutritional deficiencies, hormonal changes and other medical conditions can also cause hair loss.
Meanwhile, give your mind some attention too. Get adequate sleep, exercise regularly, eat balanced meals and identify what's causing your stress. If you're constantly worrying, try setting aside a little time each day to address those concerns rather than allowing them to occupy every waking hour.
Counselling can also help if stress has become difficult to manage.
And please stop counting every hair that falls. Watching the bathroom drain like a detective investigating a crime scene will only give you something else to worry about!
After recovering from long-term stress, if life feels stable again, is there a recommended frequency for counselling sessions, or should they be entirely need-based?
XYZ, congratulations on reaching calmer waters! But just because the storm has passed doesn't mean you should throw away your umbrella.
There is no universal rule about how often someone should attend counselling after recovering from prolonged stress.
During difficult periods, weekly sessions may be helpful. As things improve, you and your therapist might decide to meet fortnightly, monthly or simply when needed.
Think of it as maintenance rather than repair. You don't have to wait until everything falls apart before checking in with your mental health.
Discuss a gradual reduction in sessions with your counsellor and agree on signs that might suggest you need additional support.
And remember, the goal of good counselling isn't to make you dependent on your therapist. It's to help you manage life confidently without needing one at every turn.
This is your space to ask, share, and reflect. Write to Spill Your Feels with your queries on relationships, mental health, marriage, or personal struggles. Selected questions will be answered in upcoming editions of this column on MedBound Times.
This column provides general guidance and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological care. In the event of a crisis, please consult a qualified doctor, psychiatrist, or mental health expert immediately.
