Once addiction becomes a part of the relationship, it alters everything. What seems like personal struggles for both parties concerning drug abuse soon becomes a common challenge. If you’re watching a loved one struggle with addiction, it’s natural to feel powerless, angry, and worried about the future. The good news is that you don’t have to suffer in isolation because with the correct strategy, couples can move through this crisis and come out even stronger.
One of the most painful effects of addiction on a relationship is the erosion of trust. An addicted individual usually has to cover up their addictive behaviors, so they might lie about what they’re up to, where they have been, or how much they have been using. It gets worse when a partner finds evidence of substance use, like hidden devices or bottles, despite being reassured by the other partner that they have stopped.
The addicted individual usually recognizes this pattern, too, and can be filled with regret over what they’ve done to erode trust. This guilt can paradoxically send these individuals deeper into addiction as a way to cope with self-loathing. Meanwhile, the other partner becomes exhausted from attempting to monitor this behavior, which makes things even worse.
For your spouse to start working on regaining trust, you could start by supporting healthy, professional care. When dealing with addiction, it becomes vital to find a way to keep your spouse connected to care without placing added stress on the relationship. Among the best ways to show commitment to recovery is usually through structured programs.
Different options are available when it comes to therapy. In fact, when juggling family responsibilities and having transportation challenges, online resources may still be accessible. A good idea is to use services like, Banyan substance use telehealth programs, which promise a steady, positive, and evidence-based support from home. These programs help create regular check-ins coupled with professional accountability to make the road to recovery easier.
Addiction can be expensive, although it’s often unexpected for a spouse who has a limited understanding of how much money is being spent on substances. In addition to spending money on substances, a relationship affected by addiction can have other associated costs, such as missed work days, job loss, attorney fees, medical care, and the costly attempts to overcome addiction.
A relationship may suffer when only one partner has to deal with all these expenses. Here are a few steps to take when trying to address financial stress during your partner’s recovery:
Talk openly about finances and make a budget together, so both of you know the reality. Remember, this should always factor in the overall cost of receiving treatments.
Realize that recovery is an investment in your family’s future, but be sure to use additional resources, like insurance policies that cover addiction treatment services.
Couple therapy may also include financial counseling and help a couple identify the best ways to deal with money matters.
Consider using telemedicine services if your spouse doesn’t respond well to treatment because of concerns related to overall costs.
In relationships where addiction is a factor, communication can too often fall into the cycles of blame, defensiveness, and withdrawal. The conflict may arise as the non-addicted person expresses worries about the addiction, which leads to a reaction of defensiveness on the part of the addicted person. The worried individual begins to nag, while the addicted person becomes angry and resentful. This kind of communication regularly leads to nothing being resolved, as it’s not about resolving anything anyway; it’s about fear, sadness, and desperation that both partners feel.
The process of revitalizing communication involves learning new patterns, and this is where couples therapy, combined with individual addiction treatment, becomes so valuable. Here are some other essential steps to take:
Work with a therapist to learn how addiction alters the communication style in a relationship. The therapist can teach both partners ways to have tough conversations safely.
Ensure the partner being treated for substance use undertakes programs that encompass relapse prevention as well as coping skills, which assist in dealing with emotional triggers perpetuating both substance use and relationship conflict.
Learn to communicate needs without blame, listen to understand and work on recovery as a team instead of trying to fix the other person.
Accept that this process requires some time, as new communication habits don't form overnight but rather through continuous practice.
In relationships plagued with addiction, the non-addicted partner usually finds themselves overwhelmed with numerous responsibilities. The spouse helps as a household manager, emotional support person, the finance planner, and the substance use monitor all at once. The addicted individual, on the other hand, struggles to fight their battles against drug and alcohol withdrawal, and completely fails to contribute towards shared familial responsibilities.
The end result of this kind of inequality is a deep sense of resentment. In order to strike a balance on roles, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that a person struggling with addiction is, in fact, unable to be at their best; it’s not a matter of choice, it’s an illness. Here’s how both partners can move forward together:
Recognize that as your partner pursues formal therapy for substance use, their capacity to accept responsibilities will eventually increase.
Begin small, working on manageable tasks, which allows both spouses to regain confidence. This is an effective step towards achieving a balance.
Establish appropriate expectations for a recovery time period in order to avoid disappointment.
Search for a professional treatment option focused on building life skills and self-efficacy, so the affected person can return to life as a responsible member of the family.
Addiction is a corrosive process, harming trust, communications, and intimacy. Both partners lose their sense of security, which is necessary for intimacy. The healthy partner may have feelings of disgust, fear, or anger, making sexual intimacy impossible. The addictive partner may experience sexual dysfunction due to substance use, while feeling embarrassed about becoming the person they have become, making intimacy impossible.
However, it’s important to understand that a degree of physical and emotional intimacy can be restored as the addicted individual continues to pursue sobriety. Recovery programs that have elements of both individual and couples therapy may prove more effective at creating space for this healing.
Just remember that if your partner is being treated for the underlying causes of addiction, be it trauma, anxiety, depression, or any other issue, they will eventually become more emotionally available. With time, as sobriety increases and trust levels build, the non-addicted spouse begins to regain a sense of attraction. Several couples have expressed the same feelings; in fact, the relationship often becomes more meaningful as a result of working so closely on recovery.
If you are ready to assist your partner in recovery, the first step is to help them find the right type of treatment. Keep in mind that addiction is a serious condition, often demanding expert care. Some of the most common treatment options include inpatient care for extreme addiction, outpatient care for those people who can continue their regular duties, and counseling with additional specialists. Don’t forget to use resources that help you cut treatment costs to maintain financial stability. However, no matter how you decide to proceed, you have to be patient, because recovery is a long-term commitment.
MBTpg