Welcome to Spill Your Feels – a special weekly column on MedBound Times where readers can send in their queries on mental health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, marriage, and sex. Each week, Dr. Prerna Kohli shares her insights and practical advice to help you navigate challenges and live a healthier life. From stress and parenting to work-life balance and relationships, this column sheds light on the everyday pressures of life with compassion and expertise.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is an eminent clinical psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Aligarh Muslim University, UP, India. Awarded among the 100 Women Achievers of India by the President of India, she is a public speaker, researcher, and social worker. With decades of experience, Dr. Kohli specializes in issues such as substance abuse, parental and marital counselling, relationship challenges, eating disorders, depression, and more.
My boyfriend loves me and I love him too. But sometimes he is too cosy which makes me uncomfortable often. There are times when I don't want to have sex or any kind of physical intimacy, especially when I am tired with office work, but it is very difficult to make him understand this. He wants sex way too frequently than me. And I do not know how to talk about these things with him. He might not take it in the right way. Could you guide me as how to initiate this kind of conversation with my boyfriend?
Dr. Prerna Kohli: Love thrives on respect, not just desire. It’s normal to want rest and space, especially after a long day. The key is to bring this up at a calm time, not in the middle of intimacy. Try something simple: “I love being with you, but sometimes I need quiet time. Can we find a balance that works for both of us?” A caring partner won’t punish you for honesty. And if he does? That tells you more about the relationship than his frequency ever could.
I often find myself thinking about death, and I carry a strong fear of losing my loved ones, especially my brother and mother. Since I live away from them in a PG, these worries feel even stronger. Sometimes, I even see dreams about their death, which leaves me very unsettled.
Dr. Prerna Kohli: Fear of losing loved ones can feel like living with a shadow that never leaves. But constant dread doesn’t keep anyone safe — it only drains your peace. When the thoughts hit, remind yourself: “They are alive and well today.” Build small habits of reassurance: call your mother, write down your fears, or lean on prayer or mindfulness. If these thoughts and dreams become overwhelming, please seek professional support. Life should be lived with your loved ones in the present, not feared in advance.
How to manage life when you are so anxious? You could be having issues with your family, friends or partner but you still have to study/work, so how to show up?
Dr. Prerna Kohli: Anxiety doesn’t wait for your to-do list to clear — it shows up right in the middle of it. The trick isn’t to get rid of it completely, but to carry it more lightly. Start small: “One class, one page, one email.” Add calming rituals — a walk, a deep breath — before you dive in. Remind yourself: you don’t need to feel perfect to show up. And if anxiety feels like a backpack of bricks you can’t put down, talking to a professional can help you unpack it.
This is your space to ask, share, and reflect. Write to Spill Your Feels with your queries on relationships, mental health, marriage, or personal struggles. Selected questions will be answered in upcoming editions of this column on MedBound Times.
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