Welcome to Spill Your Feels – a special weekly column on MedBound Times where readers can send in their queries on mental health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, marriage, and sex. Each week, Dr. Prerna Kohli shares her insights and practical advice to help you navigate challenges and live a healthier life.
In this edition of Spill Your Feels, clinical psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli addresses readers' concerns about work-life boundaries, anxiety around physical intimacy, and navigating long-term situationships and emotional uncertainty in relationships.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is an eminent clinical psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Aligarh Muslim University, UP, India. Awarded among the 100 Women Achievers of India by the President of India, she is a public speaker, researcher, and social worker. With decades of experience, Dr. Kohli specializes in issues such as substance abuse, parental and marital counselling, relationship challenges, eating disorders, depression, and more.
I work a high-stress corporate job and find it impossible to 'switch off' my brain when I get home. I constantly check emails, and the residual anxiety makes me incredibly irritable around my kids and spouse. I hate that my family gets the worst version of me at the end of the day. Do you have any practical rituals to help emotionally detach from work and transition peacefully into family time?
Ragini, your employer pays you for your working hours. Unless you're specifically on call, there's no reason to give them your evenings for free, especially when your family ends up paying the price!
Your brain needs a little help changing gears. Before leaving work, write down tomorrow's priorities. That way, unfinished tasks have somewhere to live besides your head.
During your commute, listen to music or simply enjoy some silence. Once home, give yourself 15 minutes to change, freshen up and unwind. Tell your family you need that time.
And please, put those work emails away. Your children shouldn't have to compete with your inbox for attention.
If your workload makes switching off genuinely impossible, discuss boundaries with your employer. Counselling may also help if the anxiety persists.
Remember, your family deserves your presence, not just your presence at the dinner table!
I get anxious whenever a man tries to initiate physical touch. My mind immediately jumps to the conclusion that they are only with me for sex. I've tried talking to my partners about this, but they often take it the wrong way, as though I'm accusing them of trying to assault me. How do I deal with this?
Augustine, there's a difference between someone wanting to hold your hand and someone expecting you to surrender your boundaries. And you're entitled to decide what feels comfortable.
Your anxiety may come from past experiences, fear of being used, or simply difficulty trusting someone's intentions. But let's not assume every man who reaches for your hand has an ulterior motive.
Try discussing your feelings before physical intimacy arises. Say, "I enjoy being close to you, but sometimes physical touch makes me anxious. I need us to take things slowly."
That's an explanation, not an accusation.
A caring partner may need time to understand, but should respect your boundaries. And remember, consent isn't something you owe anyone, even in a committed relationship.
If this fear repeatedly interferes with intimacy, counselling can help you explore its roots without forcing you into situations you're uncomfortable with.
I have been in a situationship for 10 years now. I keep wondering whether someday he might want to commit, but he hasn't, and now I have started to feel very unlovable and as if I will never meet the right person. I feel sad all the time, and I consider myself so unloved.
Rita, ten years? That's an awfully long time to wait for someone to decide whether he wants to be with you. Even government paperwork sometimes moves faster!
But jokes aside, I can hear how deeply this uncertainty has affected your self-worth.
Here's something worth considering. You have spent a decade waiting for him to choose you. When are you going to choose yourself?
Have one honest conversation. Tell him clearly what commitment means to you and ask whether he genuinely wants the same future. Listen to his answer, but pay even closer attention to his actions.
If he still cannot offer what you need, you may have to make the difficult decision to leave.
And please don't confuse his reluctance to commit with your worthiness of love. Those are entirely different matters.
You cannot recover the last ten years, but you can decide how to spend the next ten.
To learn more, visit https://drprernakohli.in/10-signs-that-your-relationship-is-unhealthy-and-how-to-address-it/
This is your space to ask, share, and reflect. Write to Spill Your Feels with your queries on relationships, mental health, marriage, or personal struggles. Selected questions will be answered in upcoming editions of this column on MedBound Times.
This column provides general guidance and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological care. In the event of a crisis, please consult a qualified doctor, psychiatrist, or mental health expert immediately.