Shrekking Trend Sparks Debate: Why “Dating Down” May Not Guarantee Better Love Lives

“Shrekking,” a new dating term spreading across social media, describes the act of “dating down”, choosing a partner perceived as less attractive in the hope they will be more respectful and loyal towards you. The term takes its name from the animated character Shrek and has gained traction on TikTok, Instagram, and other platforms. Relationship experts are now warning that this approach can backfire and lead to disappointment.

The concept began circulating earlier this year when young daters online started sharing stories about being “Shrekked.”

Origins and Popularity of the Term

The phrase links back to the character Shrek, the unconventional hero of the popular film franchise where he marries a beautiful princess Fiona and both end up living happily ever after. The term has quickly joined the growing list of slang terms used to describe dating behaviors, alongside phrases like ghosting, breadcrumbing, and benching.

Expert Warnings

Despite its humorous framing, relationship professionals caution that the concept of “Shrekking” promotes a flawed assumption. Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," stated in USA Today that many people settle for less attractive partners believing they will be treated better. However, she warns that this expectation is often unreliable and can lead to disappointment. “You’re dating an ogre without the princess treatment,” Chan said, highlighting the mismatch between perception and reality.

Risks of the Trend

Experts agree that “Shrekking” can set people up for emotional harm. By focusing only on appearance as a measure of potential behavior, daters may ignore red flags or fail to prioritize deeper compatibility. Researchers in relationship psychology have long shown that kindness, communication, and emotional availability play stronger roles in long-term satisfaction than looks alone.

Public Reaction

The online response to “Shrekking” has been divided. Some users see the trend as a lighthearted way of addressing frustrations in dating. Others criticize it for encouraging superficial judgments and reinforcing stereotypes about attractiveness.

“We give a chance to the guy we’re not attracted to, thinking that he will definitely appreciate what he has and treat us well.” a TikToker said. “Then we end up traumatized by a whole troll.”

“Finally getting a fun term for when you give a 3/10 guy a chance and he treats you poorly,” another user wrote. A third mentioned that they’ve “been Shrek’d too many times.”

Broader Dating Culture

“Shrekking” reflects a wider trend in digital dating culture where new terms emerge to describe shifting behaviors. Like other viral dating trends, it resonates because it captures a shared experience, but experts caution against relying on such strategies. They emphasize that genuine compatibility depends on mutual respect, trust, and shared values rather than assumptions about physical appearance.

Conclusion

While “Shrekking” has gained attention online as a playful dating term, experts warn that it oversimplifies the complexities of relationships. Experts say that settling for a partner based only on perceived attractiveness or lack thereof does not guarantee kindness or stability.

(Rh/Eth/TL/MSM)