Welcome to Spill Your Feels – a special weekly column on MedBound Times where readers can send in their queries on mental health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, marriage, and sex. Each week, Dr. Prerna Kohli shares her insights and practical advice to help you navigate challenges and live a healthier life.
In this edition of Spill Your Feels, clinical psychologist Dr. Prerna Kohli addresses readers' concerns about workplace challenges, self-confidence, body image, and navigating an emotionally unfulfilling relationship.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is an eminent clinical psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Aligarh Muslim University, UP, India. Awarded among the 100 Women Achievers of India by the President of India, she is a public speaker, researcher, and social worker. With decades of experience, Dr. Kohli specializes in issues such as substance abuse, parental and marital counselling, relationship challenges, eating disorders, depression, and more.
I’ve been feeling increasingly uncomfortable at my workplace because I don’t feel that anyone is genuinely approachable when I have a concern. When I try to discuss the problems I’m facing, I don’t feel heard or supported. For instance, three times in one week, when I approached HR to discuss my problems, I was given leave instead of having a proper conversation about them.
I also feel anxious about approaching the founder because I’m unsure how my concerns will be received or whether they could negatively affect my position in the company. When the people I expect to be able to approach are not available or responsive, I feel stuck, as though I have no one to turn to.
It’s becoming difficult to feel secure in an environment where I don’t know whom I can trust with my concerns. I want to understand how to deal with this feeling of being unsupported and how to communicate my needs without constantly fearing the consequences.
Riya, if every time you approach HR with a problem they send you on leave, perhaps someone needs to explain that HR stands for Human Resources, not Holiday Reservations!
Jokes aside, your concerns deserve a proper hearing. But remember, being unheard doesn't necessarily mean everyone is against you.
Start by putting your concerns in writing. Be specific about what's happening, how it's affecting your work, and what resolution you're seeking. Request a formal meeting with HR and ask for a written response.
If that fails, consider approaching senior management through the appropriate channels. Keep records of your communications.
And please don't let fear make every decision for you. A workplace should allow employees to raise reasonable concerns without feeling threatened.
If the environment remains unsupportive, perhaps it's time to consider whether this organisation deserves your continued commitment.
Doctor, I tend to overthink, struggle with self-confidence, and become emotionally affected by other people's attention and behaviour. I also worry a lot about my body image and how I look. Why do I feel this way, and how can I manage my thoughts, emotions, and insecurities in a healthier way?
VNI, you've handed other people the remote control to your happiness, and unfortunately, they keep changing the channel!
When your confidence depends on someone's attention, compliments or approval, you're setting yourself up for an exhausting emotional roller coaster.
But why does this happen? Sometimes it comes from growing up with criticism, constant comparisons or feeling that affection must be earned. Sometimes it's simply a habit developed over years.
Start noticing how often you judge yourself through someone else's eyes. Challenge those thoughts. Would you speak to a friend as harshly as you speak to yourself?
And about your appearance, please remember that your body is not a public opinion poll.
Build confidence through activities, friendships and accomplishments that have nothing to do with looks. Counselling can help you understand where these insecurities began.
Your self-worth shouldn't depend on how many people notice you.
I have been dating this guy for over 1.5 years, and my sexual and emotional needs have not been met.
He has made me cry over the phone while I was grieving for a family member, and he said “you” when I asked him to acknowledge me publicly, but laughed in my face in front of his friend.
Every time I try to break up with him, he promises to change but does the same thing again in two days.
I know I am unhappy, but I have invested so much of myself in this relationship and shared so much with him that it would break me.
I am afraid I will not meet anyone as good-looking and compatible with me as he is, from whom I would not have to beg for attention and with whom I could spend my life without feeling lonely. How do I end things?
Brahmi, I have to ask, what exactly makes this man compatible with you? His good looks? Because from your description, his emotional availability seems to have gone on permanent vacation!
You've spent eighteen months hoping he'll become the partner you need. But promises followed by two days of good behaviour aren't change. They're a pattern.
And please don't confuse the time you've invested with a reason to invest even more. That's how people end up spending years in relationships that make them miserable.
If you've decided to leave, tell him clearly that the relationship is over. Avoid endless negotiations. Lean on trusted friends or family, and limit contact while you recover. If you're concerned about his reaction, end things in a way that protects your safety.
Yes, heartbreak hurts. But loneliness within a relationship can hurt even more.
And as for finding another handsome man, I assure you, good looks are not quite as rare as emotional maturity!
This is your space to ask, share, and reflect. Write to Spill Your Feels with your queries on relationships, mental health, marriage, or personal struggles. Selected questions will be answered in upcoming editions of this column on MedBound Times.
This column provides general guidance and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological care. In the event of a crisis, please consult a qualified doctor, psychiatrist, or mental health expert immediately.