Welcome to Spill Your Feels – a special weekly column on MedBound Times where readers can send in their queries on mental health, emotional wellbeing, relationships, marriage, and sex. Each week, Dr. Prerna Kohli shares her insights and practical advice to help you navigate challenges and live a healthier life. From stress and parenting to work-life balance and relationships, this column sheds light on the everyday pressures of life with compassion and expertise.
Dr. Prerna Kohli is an eminent clinical psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Aligarh Muslim University, UP, India. Awarded among the 100 Women Achievers of India by the President of India, she is a public speaker, researcher, and social worker. With decades of experience, Dr. Kohli specializes in issues such as substance abuse, parental and marital counselling, relationship challenges, eating disorders, depression, and more.
I am scared to get married. Being a woman, watching my mother go through a rough life with her in-laws, watching the same with my aunts, cousins, and friends, I feel like what is the point of getting married if it is all going to end up in pain and vain? A husband's support is a must for dealing with unruly in-laws, I understand. I feel somewhat lucky that my father supports my mother as much as he can. But it is not enough, that bare minimum is not enough. My mom deserves better. The daily violent news stories of domestic violence, dowry killings, marital rape, etc. aren't painting a rosy picture either. As much of a romantic as I am, I am starting to believe that a perfect man exists only in romance books. How wrong am I? Is this cynicism? Should I take a leap of faith in the future or just end up signing the whole family up for counselling?
Dr. Prerna Kohli: Your fear isn’t cynicism, it’s realism. You’ve seen women suffer, and the headlines don’t help. Marriage in itself isn’t the villain, but marrying without choice, respect, or boundaries often is. A “perfect man” doesn’t exist, but a decent one who listens and stands beside you does. The question isn’t whether marriage is worth it, it’s whether the partner is. Don’t leap blind. Take your time, ask the hard questions, and notice how he handles conflict. And yes, therapy helps, not because you’re broken, but because clarity is power. The future isn’t guaranteed, but neither is doom.
Sometimes I feel like I am overly paranoid. I am a person who cannot sleep after I see an earthquake news report and fear that I will also end up under the rubble since I reside in a high-rise. I am always overly cautious. Even when I take a step while walking, I feel like I might trip. While traveling in the metro, I am always scared somebody might steal my laptop. There seems to be no limit to my irrational fears. I fear for the safety of my parents and all my dear ones when I see different types of news every day about burglars, accidents, or diseases. At the same time, I am also scared that all this paranoia might be giving me unwanted stress that could result in hair fall as well. Do you think I am being irrational and should take professional help?
Dr. Prerna Kohli: You’re not alone. Constant bad news can turn even calm people into worriers. Some caution is healthy, but when it steals your sleep and peace, it’s no longer helping you. Your fears may feel irrational, but the stress they cause is very real. That’s your signal. Professional help won’t erase every worry, but it will give you tools to manage them. Think of it this way: you lock your door not because you expect a thief tonight, but because it helps you feel safe enough to live. Therapy is that kind of lock for your mind.
I love my boyfriend deeply, but I feel scared that he might cheat on me. When I first met him, he seemed shy and cute, but later I found out that he used to watch explicit videos and talk inappropriately about other girls in a group with his friends. He says he doesn’t do that anymore and now only focuses on me, but I can’t seem to forget the past. I’m struggling to trust him fully. What should I do?
Dr. Prerna Kohli: Trust is built in layers, and right now yours has cracks. His past behavior shook you, even if he says he’s changed. The real question is whether his present actions back up his words. Has he been consistent, respectful, transparent? Or do you still see signs that unsettle you? Love isn’t enough if suspicion eats you daily. Talk to him openly about what you need to feel secure. If he’s serious, he’ll listen and adapt. If not, you’ll have your answer. Staying in a relationship where doubt never leaves the room is lonelier than being single.
This is your space to ask, share, and reflect. Write to Spill Your Feels with your queries on relationships, mental health, marriage, or personal struggles. Selected questions will be answered in upcoming editions of this column on MedBound Times.
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