“Bad things happen to good people.” It’s a phrase we’ve all heard, perhaps even muttered to ourselves during difficult times. But is this merely a philosophical observation, or could there be actual science explaining why kind-hearted individuals seem to experience more misfortune?
According to an Instagram reel shared by neuroscientist Emily McDonald, who holds a PhD in Neuroscience from the University of Arizona and a BS from The University of Texas at Austin, there is compelling neuroscience behind this phenomenon of 'Why Bad Things Happen to Good People'. Her explanation suggests that the answer lies in how our brains are wired through our own behaviors.
Emily explained that the root of the problem that good people suffer more often begins with how they socialize. “Good or nice people are often taught to put everyone else before themselves,” she noted. “But your brain is always listening, and it learns from your behavior.”
When we consistently prioritize others’ needs over our own, our brains don’t interpret this as kindness or virtue. Instead, they draw a very different conclusion.
As she explained ,“Your brain doesn’t go, ‘Oh wow, we’re so kind.’ It goes, ‘Okay, we come last,’ and then it starts filtering your reality to prove that’s true.'”
And that’s how we sabotage ourselves into thinking, Why is it always me, when I’ve been good to everyone else?
The science becomes even more interesting when we look at the specific brain mechanisms involved. Emily pointed to the reticular activating system (RAS), working alongside the prefrontal cortex and the default mode network, as key players in this process.
The RAS acts as a filter for the countless stimuli our brains process every moment. One of its primary functions is to confirm what we already believe.
“If deep down you believe that bad things always happen to you or that life never works out in your favor,” McDonald said. The brain's job is to confirm what we already believe.
This means that someone who has internalized the belief that they are unworthy of good things may literally have their brain filter out positive opportunities.
As Emily put it, “Your brain will literally filter out opportunities, and you’ll miss miracles standing right in front of you.”
Over giving, people-pleasing, and allowing others to cross your boundaries reinforce this pattern of unworthiness. Every time it happens, the brain strengthens the belief that you are not worthy of more.
In turn, it begins looking for situations where you are drained, dismissed, or betrayed.
McDonald’s advice for breaking this cycle is direct: “If you really want to step into your power, stop living for other people and start living for yourself.”
This means honoring your values and boundaries, even if it disappoints others. “Choose your truth over approval,” she emphasized. “Because honestly, these days, people are going to have something to say no matter what.”
"Honor yourself and what you need. Choose your truth and Give that validation to yourself!"Emily McDonald, PhD in Neuroscience, University of Arizona