A young mother from the UK has stirred intense debate online after posting a video in which she referred to her newborn as “ugly” shortly after giving birth. The clip, originally uploaded to TikTok by Jess, a woman in her twenties, drew more than 1.2 million views and a flood of criticism. In the video, Jess bluntly commented on her baby’s appearance, saying, “He’s got the f---ing ugliest nose” and “He’s so ugly,” reflecting on her immediate postpartum thoughts.
Many internet users were taken aback by the remarks. One commenter dubbed Jess “the baby’s first bully,” while others warned that public comments like these could harm the child’s future self-esteem. Some even urged her to remove the post altogether, emphasizing the emotional damage it might cause. “Delete this now and never mention it again,” one viewer wrote. “You will crush [his] self-esteem forever.”
In her defense, Jess explained in the video’s caption that her reaction was the result of post-labor shock and a surge of postpartum hormones. “I literally stared at him and cried because I thought he was so ugly while I was in shock,” she admitted. However, she also clarified that her feelings evolved within hours. “I thought he was cute after a few hours,” she wrote, asking viewers not to judge her for being brutally honest during an emotionally raw moment.
The video sparked broader discussions about parental reactions to newborns and the appropriateness of sharing such moments online. While Jess’s comments might seem harsh, she’s not the first to voice these sentiments. Another UK mother, Emily Crossan, once compared her baby to a “garden gnome,” admitting that he wasn’t exactly photogenic at birth.
Such confessions have become part of a wider trend on social media, especially TikTok, where the so-called “Ugly Baby Challenge” sees parents sharing unflattering photos of their babies in a light-hearted, self-deprecating manner. The trend gained popularity during the pandemic, though many continue to question its taste and long-term impact on children.
Healthcare professionals have weighed in on how they approach these delicate moments. Miki Rai, a nurse from Seattle, humorously revealed the unofficial code hospital staff follow: “If the baby is cute, you can just tell them the baby’s cute,” she said in a video. “But if the baby is ugly, you just tell the parents they look just like them.”
Dr. Himani Adarsh, Consultant Psychiatrist, discusses with Sai Sindhuja K of MedBound Times regarding the incident. Although it's not frequently acknowledged publicly, it's quite normal for new mothers to feel conflicted or negative emotions about the way their newborn looks. This can be due to a lot of factors like a rapid reduction in hormones that can trigger mood swings, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts, all of which can influence how a mother feels about her baby.
Dr. Himani says that sometimes, there are preconceived notions that are shaped through childhood through social learning, and some can develop a particular expectation that a newborn should be cute. Also, due to recent increases in social media trends, some might develop unrealistic expectations about what a newborn looks like.
Some moms don’t feel connected immediately, and that emotional distance can manifest as ambivalence or even aversion to the baby's looks. They’re often temporary and fade as the baby grows and develops, and as the mother's emotional state stabilizes.
Dr. Himani states that mothers should be supported and provided with care and love during this time, and given some time to develop the bond with their infant.
When a woman delivers a baby, the hormones like estrogen and progesterone suddenly decrease. On top of that, physical pain and sleep deprivation add to increasing emotional distress for the mother post-delivery.
Immediately after delivery, almost half to three-fourths of mothers feel a mixed emotional state, which can include sadness, fear, anger, and even disgust, termed as Postpartum Blues.
Also, due to this extremely stressful state, some women can feel disconnected from their bodies or thoughts. Feel detached from the outside world, or there is a reduced ability to sense, process, and respond to emotions and physical signals.
But these usually subside over 1-2 weeks, when there is good social support, a healthy newborn, good physical recovery, and adequate care of the mother.
However, for some women, these symptoms persist beyond 2 weeks, and additionally, they develop persistent sadness, lack of interest, low self-esteem, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, anxiety, irritability with a hostile attitude towards infants, self-blame, and feelings of humiliation. A cluster of these symptoms is termed Postpartum depression (PPD).
Postnatal depression (PPD) can start at any time in the first year after giving birth. PPD can be lonely, distressing, and frightening, but support and effective treatments are available, explains Dr. Himani.
(Input from various sources)
(Rehash/Sai Sindhuja K/MSM)
